greetings to you all from the most unfaithful diaryland member. its been probably over a year since my last entry but i am not ashamed. this diary was a place i kept my most disturbing thougts and memories of a terrible time in my life.
and though 50 percent of the time i am not happy. i cant complain, i feel healed. compared to how and who i used to be i should even have found faith by now. but im too stubborn for that.
but honestly. i cant remember a time where ive felt this .....sane.
i think thats the right word.
and i wont lie to you, this place has been so out of my mind that it took me half an hour to remember my loggin name. though this place has been long gone from my mind the people who were peculiarly strange enough and fucked up enough never really leave my mind. i always think of gina, and nora dora,taylor, and most of all meredith. honest truth when i couldnt remember my loggin i tried to type punkedupqt on the url but you have to be logged in to look at her diary.
meredith, was one of my blessings in this place, who talked to me, and emailed me, and even after all this time we still text and call each other.. (and if your reading this, if you havent gotten anything from me in a long time ill explain why later. my cell phone will be shut off till late august).
when i say i am healed i really mean it. well kind of i guess because if i start feeling all alone the feelings start comming back and all the emotions, but after two years of being medicated and seeing a councelor twice a week (which since january i am proud to say i am not doing either anymore) i have learned that my mother is my best friend, and whenever i need her she will be there for me, she knows all my secrets and all my fears and there is nothing better then having her shoulder to cry on and lift me back up.
thats part one.
part two. i havent done drugs ..any drugs, no pot nothing. in half a year. sure ive been drinking alot more lately, but hell right now im in a country where im of legal age to drink.. why go to waste.
part 3
ive never loved my body any more then i am loving it now, i havent ever looked at myself in the mirror since therapy and thought that i was disgusting or anything. i eat like a normal human being and sometimes even way too much to be healthy. i dont weigh 85 pounds and think that im a whale, i weigh 112 pounds and know that i am BEAUTIFUL for a girl my size.
and i have the best friends and family in the world and i know they will never abandon me.
so now that my personal update is gone, lets get to what youve missed... only the good stuff though.
in march i turned 18! hurrrahh!!on june 7th i graduated from high school!! thank god i never have to step on the hell whole ever again in my life.
and on june 8th i hopped on a plane and have been in Brazil ever since spending time with some family members i havent since since the last time ive been here in 2003. im having the time of my life, and im getting pampered and spoiled like crazy too.
apart from the fact i miss my mom like hell and my dog too!!!! i was supposed to stay till december but i cant stand missing all my friends and family so ill be going home late august.
then i will be starting at the art institute of pittsburgh, still close to ohio so i can spend some of the time i missed during the summer with my friends. and since my family no longer lives in ohio, in january i will transfer to the art institute of dallas where ill be close to my mother (AND MEREDITH!!!!!)
thats about all for now, maybe ill start updating this more often, but you know me, i never really do.
so good night for you all. and know this... ill be reading alll of your shit that ive missed